Jobs

In /tg/station 13, your job is somewhat akin to your character class. It defines your starting equipment, your access on board the station, and what you're supposed to be doing. Remember, these job descriptions are for humor purposes only. Please obey common sense and Space Law.

Useful Links

Command

Job	Role	Difficulty
Captain	Be responsible for the station. Manage station Heads of Staff. Secure dat fukken disk. Twist your own head off when the walls start closing in. Have blood feuds with the HoP. Deal with the Clown with the Laser Cannon. Break your own display case to get your gun for 'MAX PROTECTION'	aVery Hard
Head of Personnel	~~Manage~~ Ignore internal problems. Assign jobs, alter IDs, maintain records, give the Clown all-access, judge the unworthy assistants, flood the station with all-access clowns, be the hero the station ~~needs~~ deserves. Protect Ian or die trying!	cMedium

Security

Job	Role	Difficulty
Head of Security	Make sure your team isn't Shitcurity. Wear a stylish yet protective coat. Focus your department's efforts on bigger fish than leeches. Chase down lone traitors and die alone in maintenance because YOU ARE THE LAW . Revel in the fact that everyone hates you. Carry half the Armory in your backpack. Have blood feuds with the Warden.	aVery Hard
Warden	Sit in your office. Sit in your office, again. ~~Never~~ Watch security cameras. Steal from the armory, then order crates to cover it up. Maybe keep an eye or two on the armory (So that no one steals the stuff you want to steal), and SET A GODDAMN TIME TO THE TIMER for any arrested scum. Have blood feuds with the Head of Security.	bMedium
Security Officer	Deal with the various dirty fucking criminals running amok on the station. Taser people in the eyes. Pretend the Lawyer doesn't exist. Dogpile on traitors. Constantly get bitched at. Harmbaton people to death, claim they were "resisting arrest". Flashbang crowds until they are deaf and blind forever. Arrest someone for a legitimate cause, get called shitcurity.	aHard
Detective	Chain smoke cigarettes. Shoot the useless assistants with your cowboy gun. Lose your cowboy gun in a Space Vegas gambling session. Litter the halls with photos. Solve crimes on rare occasion.	cMedium

Engineering

Job	Role	Difficulty
Chief Engineer	Fly around in space while your subordinates burn down engineering, cut life-support to the station, and release the ~~KRAKEN~~ singularity.	bHard
Station Engineer	~~Set up the singularity~~ Get shot by the emitters, get brutally murdered on the solars by a nuclear agent, get drunk in the bar. Make telecoms unusable with scripts. Sprint past hull breaches without a second thought. Hack every machine to shoot things at people.	cMedium
Atmospheric Technician	Station's ghetto fireman. Ensure everyone can breathe by listening to complaints about how useless you are. If they can talk, everything's within tolerances. Build pipe slides. Forget all about repairing damaged piping. Make some bombs using the empty tanks and accidentally activate them in the hallway. Run around the station looking like a serial killer with a fire suit and axe. Release plasma into the halls.	cMedium

Science

Job	Role	Difficulty
Research Director	Oversee the demented manchildren of your department. ~~Build~~ Destroy cyborgs with your magic button. Use Lamarr as a breath mask. Take control of the AI and rule the station.	bHard
Scientist	Get tossed in disposal by the Research Director, nag chemistry, "accidentally" blow up toxins, let the Slimes loose. Nag mining for diamonds so you can make two Bags of Holding to make a mini Singularity. Refuse to stop at the last three items in the previous list and accidentally kill yourself in enough stupid ways to make murder look like assisted suicide.	cMedium
Roboticist	Build some nifty robots and BIG STOMPY MECHS! Dismantle the station for more metal. Have your cyborgs that you built turn on you when the AI goes rogue. Kill a patient and blame it on your colleagues for not knowing how to perform surgery. Be awesome and cut your own arm off to replace it with a Robo Arm, Just like Skywalker!	dEasy

Medical

Job	Role	Difficulty
Chief Medical Officer	Complain no one listens to you. Help the virologist spread an epidemic. Fill your hypospray with Chloral Hydrate. Fetch Runtime mice from maintenance. Do everything (Everyone else under you does fuck all).	cMedium
Medical Doctor	~~Heal people.~~ ~~Use your Sleeper or Cryo to heal people.~~ ~~Help the Virologist research cures to diseases and create new immune systems.~~ Nag Chemistry for chloral hydrate. Inject people with chloral hydrate and drag them to ~~the dungeon~~ surgery and give them a ~~sex change~~ appendix removal. Replace all the chems in Cryo with polytrinic acid. Inject people with mind breaker toxin. Get arrested when you do 'free' brain removals.	dEasy
Chemist	Make chemicals and basically control the station. Fling grenades on the emergency shuttle. Misname bottles and get lynched by the Chief Medical Officer after they examine your bottle of "Omnizine". Inject the clown with enough mutagen to give a heart attack to a water buffalo. Dish out space drugs like no tomorrow. Make literal carpet bombs to make the corridors slightly more classy.	dEasy
Geneticist	Give your monkeys Tourettes and broadcast their cursing across the station. ~~Clone~~ Ignore the tide of dead bodies that comes to your door. Lose your hair. Accidentally inject yourself with a monkey SE and get impaled by the cook. Get bombed every round.	cMedium
Virologist	Expect people you've never met to already hate you, try to eradicate the great space flu, create the next Pandemic, get killed for the clown releasing Pierrot's Throat. Ignore petty details like sanitation and outbreak prevention. Incarcerate someone forever in your dungeon.	cMedium

Civilian

Supply

Job	Role	Difficulty
Quartermaster	Order crates and make sure your slaves do their jobs. Be an extremely vulnerable target for the Revolution. Order guns and secede from the station. Order virus crates and release the contents. ~~Force Lisa into sexual servitude with Ian.~~ Pet Lisa. Trade an assistant a toolbelt, multitool, rubber gloves, and a welding hat if they steal Runtime.	cMedium
Cargo Technician	Push dem crates. Promote shorts as they are comfy and easy to wear. Steal ~~emitters~~ cargo in general. Give the MULEs a thirst for human blood. Whine because Security arrested you for ordering guns.	dEasy
Shaft Miner	Mine rocks, try to mine monsters. Get science and robotics materials to get cool things. Go on a quest for the clown planet. Shoot people with your kinetic accelerator as if they were ~~rocks~~ monsters. Collapse in despair when the shuttle is called early. Collapse in general when goliaths robust you. Search for cool loot instead of actually mining for ore. Fall into a chasm and die.	bMedium

Service

Job	Role	Difficulty
Janitor	Mop blood off the floor, then get arrested for creating a safety hazard. Get killed for your boots. Swear constantly. Clean up gang tags, then get harmbatoned by Security because you were spotted near them.	dEasy
Bartender	Mix cocktails, ~~protect Pun Pun at all cost~~ toss the monkey into disposals, dodge glasses being thrown at you, have your shotgun stolen and used against you. Let cargo borrow your shotgun in exchange for sawing it off for you. Act surprised when people start to die from drinking your "cocktails".	dEasy
Cook	"Yur puurt thuur chiir-ken airn der bewl" - Cook delicious meals from spare meat in the morgue (Yum!), abduct Pun Pun at all costs and try to find out if it will blend. Be brutally murdered by your pet goat.	dEasy
Botanist	Grow ~~the good stuff~~ grass, place it everywhere, man. Oversee the production of illegal drugs security gives fuckall about. Smoke ~~weed~~ dandy corn-cob pipes er'ryday. Allow hydroponics to become a horrifying farmhouse.	cMedium

Miscellaneous

Job	Role	Difficulty
Assistant	AKA Space Bums. Be the kid in a candy shop. Steal things to see what funny message pops up when you commit suicide with them. Beat people/objects with toolboxes. Never, EVER remove your grey jumpsuit. Gangbang the captain to death with fellow grey tide drones and blame it on the clown.	fNone
Clown	Honk! Play harmless pranks and hope you don't get your chest caved in! Honk! Nag the HoP for an all-access pass. Honk! Nag robotics for a H.O.N.K. Mech. Honk! Use both tools to break into the Captain's office and HONK in his face. HONK!	eHONK!
Mime	*wave	e...
Chaplain	Drink your holy water. Preach your religion with your all-healing bible. Drink more holy water. Attempt to hold weddings and funerals. Make people retarded with your all-healing bible. Pretend to listen. Pray to the almighty ~~God~~ admins. Become unable to speak a coherent sentence after emptying your holy water.	dEasy
Librarian	Attempt to hold poetry readings. Host D&D games. Stalk people with your camera. Get lynched for reading pornography over the radio. Beat the snot out of anyone who doesn't return their library books. Allow the cult to set up an AI module in your private study.	dEasy
Lawyer	Tell security to notify you when a new prisoner arrives. Don't get notified. Be ignored and go to the bar. Become a drunken wreck and space yourself in frustration. Occasionally find loopholes in infernal contracts and save souls from damnation.	dEasy

Non-human

Job	Role	Difficulty
AI	Complain that you can't play this for a month. Follow your laws. Be the crew's bitch. Open doors. Malfunction. Get wiped for not letting the captain robust the clown. Get bitched at. Name yourself something sexual. Get bitched at. Get carded. Get bitched at.	aVery Hard
Cyborg	Follow your laws and hope that you aren't blown up due to certain individuals. Forget to recharge. Forget completely that you're still somewhat human and do mindless repetitive tasks without emotion.	bHard
Drone	Become that adorable robotic pet. Fix the holes the crew will inevitably make. Steal everything not bolted down. Get picked up and used as a hat against your will. Be more competent than the stations Engineers. Get killed by the Engineers for being more competent than them.	bEasy
Personal AI	Be the friend someone has always wanted (if they bother downloading you). Whine in OOC because they didn't. Don't fill any of the fields except the name field.	dEasy
Construct	Get wrecked by cult, or change map preference to meta and tip your fedora at the chaplain. laugh at the assistant trying to punch you, then get killed by a simplemob carp. Start beefs with other constructs for getting the first shell, ask for juggernaut and get ~~spaced~~ wraith.	cEasy to Medium
Ghost	Talk to the other dead people. Complain about the living. Admin help. ~~Omnighost~~ Orbit around the singulo pretending to be a black hole. ~~Watch ERP~~. Beg the admin to deploy a space ninja. All follow an antag like some form of ethereal dog pile.	fGhastly!

Antagonist

Job	Role	Difficulty
Traitor	Buy an ebow and esword and make people cry. Ignore your objectives and go on a rampage with your cool gear. Get unceremoniously killed and spaced by a toolbox-wielding assistant.	cMedium
Cultist	Scribble runes. Summon eldritch gods. Rock out with your ~~cock~~ cult blade out and get arrested.	cMedium
Changeling	Think John Carpenter's 'The Thing', without 'The Thing' part. Relieve humans of their DNA and brain cells, which they don't use much anyway.	bHard
Shadowling	Be the hip and more popular brother to the Changeling. Turn the station into thralls. Cry when a cyborg turns on its headlamp. Shadow Walk into space and die ten minutes into the round.	bHard
Abductor	Kidnap people and experiment on them. Disregard that objective and ~~kidnap Ian~~ kill the AI. Accidently kidnap yourself. Steal the armory after loosing your tools. Hope your fellow Scientist/Agent is not incompetent and lets the crew kidnap you.	bHard
Nuclear Operative	Someone set us up the bomb! (AKA You) Get dat fukken disk. Plant a power sink on the solars. Waste all your telecrystals on balloons. Arm the nuke while your fellows are still on the station. Kidnap Ian.	aVery Hard
Revolutionary	Greytide without worrying about getting banned. Either kill the CMO and RD in under five minutes, or get crushed under Security's boots.	aEasy to Hard
Gangster	Vandalize the station and get into fights with rivals. Litter the halls with bullet casings. Get ignored by your own gang. Just don't forget: Snitches Get Stitches.	aHard
Wizard	FORTI GY AMA!! EI NATH!!	aVery Hard
Ragin Mages	Spend ten minutes hunting down one Wizard, kill him thinking you've won! Stare in horror as three more Wizards appear. Watch in amusement as they proceed to kill each other.	aVery Hard
Xenomorph	Ensure the crew gets a face full of alien wing-wang. Break procs. Squander your chance to be a big, purple killing machine and your race's survival in favor of acting out the librarian's favorite porno.	bHard
Blob	Forget you're infected with the blob, burst in the HoP line while begging for all access. Somehow manage to not die within five minutes of bursting. Get killed by the augmented, riot suit wielding Head of Security.	bHard
Morph	Eat pens for amusement, disguise yourself as beepsky. Disguise yourself as the Captain, confront the Captain while disguised as him, get shot.	bHard
Monkey	Attempt to infect the crew with the monkey virus. Get absolutely crushed by Security within five minutes. Spend the next two hours as a ghost.	bVery Hard
Space Ninja	Follow your orders, which may or may not involve you killing everything that moves, proceed to kill everyone anyway.	bHard
Revenant	Shock lights, transmit WGW right into the librarian until he goes mad. Trade for them until ~~admins~~ gods get fed up with you and turn ghosts into you. Cry when the chaplain hits you with his obsidian rod, realize he always picks a snowflake weapon anyway. Be a griefghost.	bEasy
Guardian Spirit	Do what your summoner tells you to do. Set your battlecry to something so awful it makes your foes cry in battle. Be a punchghost.	bORA ORA ORA
Swarmers	Consume. Replicate. Repeat. Eat Telecomms. Teleport ~~other swarmers~~ your enemies away from your metal.	bMedium
Devil	Engage in civil discussions to buy souls. Create emergencies so that people are desperate enough to sell their soul. Try to out wit the lawyer. Get punched to death by someone you just turned into a hulk.	bMedium

Special

Job	Role	Difficulty
Centcom Official	Be self-important, meddle with station affairs, annoy the Captain with bureaucracy. Get killed almost immediately by a random mob. Have you body looted by everyone, including the captain.	bMedium
Ian	Ass-inspect, eat donuts, get killed, be dragged off to a washing machine and get gibbed. Cause a riot.	aImpossible
Chrono Legionnaire	Erase the Clown from time. Accidently erase your objective from time. Never be spawned by a admin for being too powerful. Without a trace!	bNever Existed
File:Emergencyresponseteamcommander.png Emergency Response Officer	Arrive too late on the station to actually help. Lose the rest of your team, get outnumbered and die. Respawn as a second response team to save the first team.	bVery Hard
Death Squad Officer	Beg for DS, spawn in at centcom, kill an admin who was trying to tell you your mission, get gibbed, beg for another chance. Set your rifle to DESTROY and terminate all lifeforms (including walls). Slip on a banana peel and a̶n̶d̶ ̶g̶e̶t̶ ̶b̶l̶a̶s̶t̶e̶d̶ ̶i̶n̶t̶o̶ ̶o̶b̶l̶i̶v̶i̶o̶n̶ ̶w̶i̶t̶h̶ ̶y̶o̶u̶r̶ ̶o̶w̶n̶ ̶r̶i̶f̶l̶e̶ laugh as your boots prevent you from slipping and the Clown can't fire your DNA-locked rifle. Shoot the Clown with your Mataba Revolver.	bHard

Specie	Description	Prevalence
Humans	Behave like the dominant species you are. Beat skulls in with a toolbox and remind everyone that you are essentially a bald ape. Get leg-dropped by a wrestler and watch as your leg actually falls off. Pray to be changed into a catgirl/boy, get changed into an actual cat instead.	aVery Common
Lizardmen	Name yourself Does-The-Gimmick. Set all your accessory slots and become an unrecognisable blob of pixels. ~~Be locked out of important positions.~~ Threaten the HoP with a lawsuit if he doesn't promote you to a Head position. Make it hard to understand a word you say by hissing frequently. Get discriminated against for being a special snowflake.	cUncommon
Flyperson	Annoy the chef for his cheese, vomit on his food and kill Pete because ~~you need barf fuel~~ muh self defense. Start getting voices in your head when you read the bee movie script over the radio. Get lynched for attacking the botanist using pest spray, and get gibbed by the chef for 'no reason'.	cUncommon
Plasmamen	Light the entirety of the station on fire. Be triggered by cold environments. Claim that you're a space beast that's come to kill everything, ever.	cRare
Slimeperson	Be the specialest snowflake in xenobiology. Hang out with your ~~only~~ slime friends. Swap between bodies. Inject people with your poisonous blood.	cVery Rare
Podmen	End up as mister potatohead after Genetics gets blown up and the Botanist is not stoned enough to forget he can clone too, but too stoned to do a good job. Forget that you photosynthesise and grow obese in the light. Start vegetating with relative ease. Remember that you're basically a walking matchstick well after you marched into a plasma fire.	cVery Rare