Jobs

In /tg/station 13, your job is somewhat akin to your character class. It defines your starting equipment, your access on board the station, and what you're supposed to be doing. Remember, these job descriptions are for humor purposes only. Please obey common sense and Space Law.

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Law and order

Job	Role	Difficulty
Captain	Manage station Heads of Staff. Twist your own head off when the walls start closing in.	Very Hard
Head of Personnel	Manage internal problems. Assign jobs, alter IDs, maintain records, give the Clown all-access, judge the unworthy assistants, flood the station with all-access clowns, be the hero the station ~~needs~~ deserves. Protect Ian or die trying!	Hard
Head of Security	Make sure your team isn't Shitcurity. Wear a stylish yet protective coat. Focus your department's efforts on bigger fish than leeches. Dogpile on traitors with the rest of the department while the rest of the station goes to hell, because YOU ARE THE LAW.	Very Hard
Security Officer	Deal with the various dirty fucking criminals running amok on the station. Taser people in the eyes. Pretend the lawyer doesn't exist. Dogpile on traitors. Constantly get bitched at. Use the harm intent, claim they were "resisting arrest".	Hard
Warden	Sit in your office. Sit in your office, again. Steal from the armory, then order crates to cover it up. Maybe keep an eye or two on the armory (So that no one steals the stuff you want to steal), and SET A GODDAMN TIME TO THE TIMER for any arrested scum.	Hard
Detective	Chain smoke cigarettes. Shoot the useless assistants with your cowboy gun. Lose your cowboy gun in a Space Vegas gambling session. Litter the halls with photos. Solve crimes on rare occasion.	Medium
Lawyer	Tell security to notify you when a new prisoner arrives. Don't get notified. Be ignored and go to the bar. Become a drunken wreck and space yourself in frustration.	Medium

Maintenance and supply

Job	Role	Difficulty
Chief Engineer	Fly around in space while your Subordinates burn down engineering, cut life-support to the station, and release the singularity.	Hard
Station Engineer	~~Set up the singularity~~ Get shot by the emitters, get brutally murdered on the solars by a nuclear agent, get drunk in the bar. Make telecoms unusable with scripts. Sprint past hull breaches without a second thought.	Medium
Atmospheric Technician	Station's ghetto fireman. Ensure everyone can breathe by listening to complaints about how useless you are. If they can talk, everything's within tolerances. Build pipe slides. Forget all about repairing damaged piping. Make some bombs using the empty tanks and accidentally activate them in the hallway.	Medium
Janitor	Mop blood off the floor, then get arrested for creating a safety hazard. Get killed for your boots. Swear constantly.	Easy
Quartermaster	Order crates and make sure your slaves do their jobs. Be an extremely vulnerable target for the Revolution. Order virus crates and release them. ~~Force Lisa into sexual servitude with Ian.~~ Pet Lisa. Trade an assistant a toolbelt, multitool, rubber gloves, and a welding hat if they steal Runtime.	Medium
Cargo Technician	Push dem crates. Promote shorts as they are comfy and easy to wear. Steal ~~emitters~~ cargo in general. Give the MULEs a thirst for human blood. Whine because Security arrested you for ordering guns.	Easy
Shaft Miner	Get 100 diamonds for robotics so they can build their big stompy mechs (and never let you use them). Go on a quest for the clown planet. Hit people with the pickaxe as if they were rocks.	Easy
Botanist	Grow ~~the good stuff~~ grass, place it everywhere, man. Oversee the production of illegal drugs security gives fuckall about. Smoke ~~weed~~ dandy corn-cob pipes er'ryday. Allow hydroponics to become a horrifying farmhouse.	Easy

Medical and Science

Job	Role	Difficulty
Research Director	Oversee the demented manchildren of your department. ~~Build~~ Destroy cyborgs with your magic button. Take control of the AI and rule the station.	Hard
Chief Medical Officer	Complain no one listens to you. Help the virologist spread an epidemic. Fill your hypospray with Chloral Hydrate. Do everything (Everyone else under you does fuck all).	Hard
Medical Doctor	~~Heal people.~~ ~~Use your Sleeper or Cryo to heal people.~~ ~~Help the Virologist research cures to diseases and create new immune systems.~~ Inject people with mind breaker toxin. Get arrested when you do 'free' brain removals without a prostisis.	Medium
Chemist	Make Chloral Hydrate and basically control the station. Fling grenades on the emergency shuttle. Make "candy pills" and refuse to shut up about them. Misname bottles and get lynched by the Chief Medical Officer after they examine your bottle of "Tricordrazine".	Easy
Geneticist	Give your monkeys Tourettes and broadcast their cursing across the station. Clone the tide of dead bodies that comes to your door. Lose your hair. Turn yourself into a monkey and get killed.	Medium
Virologist	Expect people you've never met to already hate you, try to eradicate the great space flu, create the next Pandemic, get killed for the clown releasing Pierrot's Throat. Ignore petty details like sanitation and outbreak prevention. Incarcerate someone forever in your dungeon.	Medium
Roboticist	Build some nifty robots and BIG STOMPY MECHS! Dismantle the station for more metal. Have your cyborgs that you built turn on you when the AI goes rogue.	Easy
Scientist	Get tossed in disposal by the Research Director, nag chemistry, "accidentally" blow up toxins, let the Slimes loose. Refuse to stop at the last two items in the previous list and accidentally kill yourself in enough stupid ways to make murder look like assisted suicide.	Medium

Civil duty jobs

Job	Role	Difficulty
Assistant	AKA Space Bums. Be the kid in a candy shop. Steal things to see what funny message pops up when you commit suicide with them. Beat people/objects with toolboxes.	Good for Beginners
Bartender	Mix cocktails, protect Pun Pun at all cost, dodge glasses being thrown at you, have your shotgun stolen and used against you. Let cargo borrow your shotgun in exchange for sawing it off for you. Act suprised when people start to die from drinking your "cocktails".	Easy
Chef	"Yur puurt thuur chiir-ken airn der bewl" - Cook delicious meals from spare meat in the morgue (Yum!), abduct Pun Pun at all costs and try to find out if it will blend. Be brutally murdered by your pet goat.	Easy
Clown	Honk! Play harmless pranks and hope you don't get your chest caved in! Honk! Nag the HoP for an all-access pass. Honk! Nag robotics for a H.O.N.K. Mech. Honk! Use both tools to break into the Captain's office and HONK in his face. HONK!	HONK!
Mime	... [Provide oh so sophisticated entertainment for the crew.]	...
Chaplain	Drink your holy water. Preach your religion with your all-healing bible. Drink more holy water. Make people retarded with your all-healing bible. Pretend to listen. Pray to the almighty ~~God~~ admins. Become unable to speak a coherent sentence after emptying your holy water.	Easy
Librarian	Attempt to hold poetry readings. Stalk people with your camera. Get lynched for reading pornography over the radio.	Easy

Nonhuman jobs

Job	Role	Difficulty
AI	Complain that you can't play this for a month. Follow your laws. Be the crew's bitch. Open doors. Malfunction. Get wiped for not letting the captain robust the clown.	Very Hard
Cyborg	Follow your laws and hope that you aren't blown up due to certain individuals. Forget to recharge. Forget completely that you're still somewhat human and do mindless repetitive tasks without emotion.	Hard
Personal AI	Be the friend someone has always wanted (if they bother downloading you). Whine in OOC because they didn't. Don't fill any of the fields except the name field.	Easy
Construct	Obey your master, who is either worshiping Narsie or something worse.	Medium
Ghost	Talk to the other dead people. Complain about the living. Admin help. Omnighost.	Ghastly!

Enemy jobs

Job	Role	Difficulty
Nuclear Agent	Someone set us up the bomb! (AKA You) Get dat fukken disk.	Very Hard
Changeling	Think John Carpenter's 'The Thing', without 'The Thing' part- Relieve humans of their DNA and brain cells, which they don't use much anyway.	Hard
Xenomorph	Ensure the crew gets a face full of alien wing-wang. Break procs. Squander your chance to be a big, purple killing machine and your race's survival in favor of acting out the librarian's favorite porno.	Hard
Wizard	FORTI GY AMA!! then EI NATH!!	Glorious Failure

Special Jobs

Job	Role	Difficulty
Death Squad Officer	USE YOUR ZAPPY GUN ON EVERYTHING!	Hard
Space Ninja	Follow your orders, which may or may not involve you killing everything that moves. Suck on power like a lollipop.	Hard