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imported>Yolopanther
(Want to split this up a bit and propose the changes the main "Jobs" page. To be edited.)
 
imported>Yolopanther
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In /tg/station 13, your job is somewhat akin to your character class.  It defines your starting equipment, your  [[identification_card|access]] on board the station, and what you're supposed to be doing. Remember, these job descriptions are for humor purposes only. Please obey common sense and [[Space Law|Space Law]].
This original intent for the content of this page is not something that would've ever been possible. Oh well.


<!-- please remember that this was once in alphabetical order. The reason it was changed is that the list was simply too long for the alphabet to make it easily navigable. It has been changed to match the categorization in the Jobs template, which you can see at the bottom of each job page. -->
On the bright side, this page is now open for more TESTING! For SCIENCE! You monster.
 
== Useful Links ==
 
 
* [[Chain of Command]]
* [[Standard Operating Procedure]]
* [[Guides]]
* [[Rules]]
* [[Job selection and assignment]]
 
 
== Law and order ==
 
{| border="1" cellspacing="0" cellpadding="2" width="80%" style="background-color:#EEEEFF;" class="wikitable sortable"
! scope="col" style="background-color:lightblue;" width=200|Job
! scope="col" class="unsortable" style="background-color:lightblue;" |Role
! scope="col" style="background-color:lightblue;" width=100|Difficulty
|-
![[File:Generic_captain.png|50px|link=Captain]]<br>[[Captain]]
|Be responsible for the station. Manage station [[Heads of Staff]]. Twist your own head off when the walls start closing in. Have blood feuds with the [[HoP]].
!<span style="display: none;">a</span>Very Hard
|-
![[File:Generic_hop.png|50px|link=Head of Personnel]]<br>[[Head of Personnel]]
|Manage internal problems. Assign jobs, alter IDs, maintain records, give the [[Clown]] all-access, judge the unworthy [[assistant]]s, flood the station with all-access clowns, be the hero the station <s>needs</s> deserves. '''Protect Ian or die trying!'''
!<span style="display: none;">b</span>Hard
|-
![[File:Generic_hos.png|50px|link=Head of Security]]<br>[[Head of Security]]
|Make sure your team isn't [[Shitcurity]]. Wear a stylish yet protective coat. Focus your department's efforts on bigger fish than [[Clown|leeches]]. Dogpile on traitors with the rest of the department while the rest of the station goes to hell, because '''YOU ARE THE LAW'''. Have blood feuds with the Warden.
!<span style="display: none;">a</span>Very Hard
|-
![[File:Generic_security.png|50px|link=Security Officer]]<br>[[Security Officer]]
|Deal with the various [[clown|dirty]] [[assistant|fucking]] [[traitor|criminals]] running amok on the station. Taser people in the eyes. Pretend the lawyer doesn't exist. Dogpile on traitors. Constantly get bitched at. Harmbaton people to death, claim they were "resisting arrest".
!<span style="display: none;">b</span>Hard
|-
![[File:Generic_warden.png|50px|link=Warden]]<br>[[Warden]]
|Sit in your office. Sit in your office, again. Steal from the armory, then order crates to cover it up. Maybe keep an eye or two on the armory (So that no one steals the stuff you want to steal), and '''SET A GODDAMN TIME TO THE TIMER''' for any arrested scum. Have blood feuds with the Head of Security.
!<span style="display: none;">b</span>Hard
|-
![[File:Generic_detective.png|50px|link=Detective]]<br>[[Detective]]
|Chain smoke cigarettes. Shoot the useless assistants with your cowboy gun. Lose your cowboy gun in a Space Vegas gambling session. Litter the halls with photos. Solve crimes on rare occasion.
!<span style="display: none;">c</span>Medium
|-
![[File:Generic_lawyer.png‎|50px|link=Lawyer]]<br>[[Lawyer]]
|Tell security to notify you when a new prisoner arrives. Don't get notified. Be ignored and go to the bar. Become a drunken wreck and space yourself in frustration.
!<span style="display: none;">c</span>Medium
|}
 
== Maintenance and supply ==
 
{| border="1" cellspacing="0" cellpadding="2" width="80%" style="background-color:#FFFFDD;" class="wikitable sortable"
! scope="col" style="background-color:orange;" width=200|Job
! scope="col" class="unsortable" style="background-color:orange;" |Role
! scope="col" style="background-color:orange;" width=100|Difficulty
|-
![[File:Generic_ce.png|50px|link=Chief Engineer]]<br>[[Chief Engineer]]
|Fly around in space while your [[Station Engineer|Subordinates]] burn down engineering, cut life-support to the station, and release the singularity.
!<span style="display: none;">b</span>Hard
|-
![[File:Generic_engineer.png|50px|link=Station Engineer]]<br>[[Station Engineer]]
|<s>Set up the singularity</s> Get shot by the emitters, get brutally murdered on the solars by a nuclear agent, get drunk in the bar. Make telecoms unusable with scripts. Sprint past hull breaches without a second thought. Hack every machine to shoot things at people.
!<span style="display: none;">c</span>Medium
|-
![[File:Generic_atmos.png|50px|link=Atmospheric Technician]]<br>[[Atmospheric Technician]]
|Station's ghetto fireman. Ensure everyone can breathe by listening to complaints about how useless you are. If they can talk, everything's within tolerances. Build pipe slides. Forget all about repairing damaged piping. Make some bombs using the empty tanks and accidentally activate them in the hallway. Run around the station looking like a serial killer with a fire suit and axe.
!<span style="display: none;">c</span>Medium
|-
![[File:Generic_janitor.png|50px|link=Janitor]]<br>[[Janitor]]
|Mop blood off the floor, then get arrested for creating a safety hazard. Get killed for your boots. Swear constantly.
!<span style="display: none;">d</span>Easy
|-
![[File:Generic_qm.png|50px|link=Quartermaster]]<br>[[Quartermaster]]
|Order crates and make sure your [[Cargo Technician|slaves]] do their jobs. Be an extremely vulnerable target for the [[Revolution]]. Order guns and secede from the station. Order virus crates and release the contents. <s>Force Lisa into sexual servitude with Ian.</s> Pet Lisa. Trade an assistant a toolbelt, multitool, rubber gloves, and a welding hat if they steal Runtime.
!<span style="display: none;">c</span>Medium
|-
![[File:Generic_cargo.png|50px|link=Cargo Technician]]<br>[[Cargo Technician]]
|Push dem crates. Promote shorts as they are comfy and easy to wear. Steal <s>emitters</s> cargo in general. Give the MULEs a thirst for human blood. Whine because Security arrested you for ordering guns.
!<span style="display: none;">d</span>Easy
|-
![[File:Generic_shaft.png|50px|link=Shaft Miner]]<br>[[Shaft Miner]]
|Mine rocks, try to mine monsters. Get science and robotics materials to get cool things. Go on a quest for the clown planet. Hit people with the pickaxe as if they were <s>rocks</s> monsters. Collapse in despair when the shuttle is called early. Collapse in general when monsters robust you.
!<span style="display: none;">d</span>Medium
|-
![[File:Generic_botanist.png|50px|link=botanist]]<br>[[Botanist]]
|Grow <strike>the good stuff</strike> grass, place it everywhere, man. Oversee the production of illegal drugs security gives fuckall about. Smoke <s>weed</s> dandy corn-cob pipes er'ryday. Allow hydroponics to become a horrifying farmhouse.
!<span style="display: none;">d</span>Easy
|}
 
== Medical and Science ==
 
{| border="1" cellspacing="0" cellpadding="2" width="80%" style="background-color:#EEEEFF;" class="wikitable sortable"
! scope="col" style="background-color:#DDA0DD;" width=200|Job
! scope="col" class="unsortable" style="background-color:#DDA0DD;" |Role
! scope="col" style="background-color:#DDA0DD;" width=100|Difficulty
|-
![[File:Generic_rd.png|50px|link=Research Director]]<br>[[Research Director]]
|Oversee the [[Scientist|demented]] [[Roboticist|manchildren]] of your department. <s>Build</s> Destroy cyborgs with your magic button. Take control of the AI and rule the station.
!<span style="display: none;">b</span>Hard
|-
![[File:Generic_cmo.png|50px|link=Chief Medical Officer]]<br>[[Chief Medical Officer]]
|Complain no one listens to you. Help the virologist spread an epidemic. Fill your hypospray with Chloral Hydrate. Do everything (Everyone else under you does fuck all).
!<span style="display: none;">b</span>Hard
|-
![[File:MedicalDoctor.png|50px|link=Medical Doctor]]<br>[[Medical Doctor]]
|<s>Heal people.</s> <s>Use your Sleeper or Cryo to heal people.</s> <s>Help the Virologist research cures to diseases and create new immune systems.</s> Nag Chemistry for chloral hydrate. Inject people with chloral hydrate and drag them to <s>the dungeon</s> surgery and give them a <s>sex change</s> appendix removal. Replace all the chems in Cryo with polytrinic acid. Inject people with mind breaker toxin. Get arrested when you do 'free' brain removals without a prostisis.
!<span style="display: none;">c</span>Medium
|-
![[File:Chemist.png|50px|link=Chemist]]<br>[[Chemist]]
|Make Chloral Hydrate and basically control the station. Fling grenades on the emergency shuttle. Make "candy pills" and refuse to shut up about them. Misname bottles and get lynched by the Chief Medical Officer after they examine your bottle of "Tricordrazine". Inject the clown with enough mutagen to give a heart attack to a water buffalo. Dish out space drugs like no tomorrow.
!<span style="display: none;">d</span>Easy
|-
![[File:Geneticist.png|50px|link=Geneticist]]<br>[[Geneticist]]
|Give your monkeys Tourettes and broadcast their cursing across the station. <s>Clone</s> Ignore the tide of dead bodies that comes to your door. Lose your hair. Accidentally inject yourself with a monkey SE and get impaled by the chef. Get bombed every round.
!<span style="display: none;">c</span>Medium
|-
![[File:Generic_virologist.png|50px|link=Virologist]]<br>[[Virologist]]
|Expect people you've never met to already hate you, try to eradicate the great space flu, create the next Pandemic, get killed for the clown releasing Pierrot's Throat. Ignore petty details like sanitation and outbreak prevention. Incarcerate someone forever [[Virology|in your dungeon]].
!<span style="display: none;">c</span>Medium
|-
![[File:Roboticist.png|50px|link=Roboticist]]<br>[[Roboticist]]
|Build some nifty robots and BIG STOMPY MECHS! Dismantle the station for more metal. Have your cyborgs that you built turn on you when the AI goes rogue. Kill a patient and blame it on your colleagues for not knowing how to preform surgery.
!<span style="display: none;">d</span>Easy
|-
![[File:scientist_generic.png|50px|link=Scientist]]<br>[[Scientist]]
|Get tossed in disposal by the [[Research Director]], nag chemistry, "accidentally" blow up toxins, let the Slimes loose. Nag mining for diamonds so you can make two Bags of Holding to make a mini Singularity. Refuse to stop at the last three items in the previous list and accidentally kill yourself in enough stupid ways to make murder look like assisted suicide.
!<span style="display: none;">c</span>Medium
|}
 
== Civil duty jobs ==
 
{| border="1" cellspacing="0" cellpadding="2" width="80%" style="background-color:#DCDCDC;" class="wikitable sortable"
! scope="col" style="background-color:#A9A9A9;" width=200|Job
! scope="col" class="unsortable" style="background-color:#A9A9A9;" |Role
! scope="col" style="background-color:#A9A9A9;" width=100|Difficulty
|-
![[File:Generic_assistant2.png|50px|link=Assistant]]<br>[[Assistant]]
|AKA Space Bums. Be the kid in a candy shop. Steal things to see what funny message pops up when you commit suicide with them. Beat people/objects with toolboxes. Never, '''EVER''' remove your grey jumpsuit. Gangbang the captain to death with fellow grey tide drones and blame it on the clown.
!<span style="display: none;">f</span>Good for Beginners
|-
![[File:Generic_barman.png|50px|link=Bartender]]<br>[[Bartender]]
|Mix cocktails, <s>protect Pun Pun at all cost</s> toss the monkey into disposals, dodge glasses being thrown at you, have your shotgun stolen and used against you. Let cargo borrow your shotgun in exchange for sawing it off for you. Act surprised when people start to die from drinking your "cocktails".
!<span style="display: none;">d</span>Easy
|-
![[File:Generic_chef.png|50px|link=Chef]]<br>[[Chef]]
|"Yur puurt thuur chiir-ken airn der bewl" - Cook delicious meals from spare meat in the morgue (Yum!), abduct Pun Pun at all costs and try to find out if it will blend. [[Critters#Neutral|Be brutally murdered by your pet goat]].
!<span style="display: none;">d</span>Easy
|-
![[File:Generic_clown.png|50px|link=Clown]]<br>[[Clown]]
|Honk!  Play harmless pranks and hope you don't get your chest caved in!  Honk! Nag the HoP for an all-access pass. Honk! Nag robotics for a H.O.N.K. Mech. Honk! Use both tools to break into the Captain's office and HONK in his face. HONK!
!<span style="display: none;">e</span>HONK!
|-
![[File:Generic_mime.png|50px|link=Mime]]<br>[[Mime]]
|... ''[Provide oh so sophisticated entertainment for the crew.]''
!<span style="display: none;">e</span>...
|-
![[File:Generic_chaplain.png|50px|link=Chaplain]]<br>[[Chaplain]]
|Drink your holy water. Preach your religion with your all-healing bible. Drink more holy water. Attempt to hold weddings and funerals. Make people retarded with your all-healing bible. Pretend to listen. Pray to the almighty <strike>God</strike> admins. Become unable to speak a coherent sentence after emptying your holy water.
!<span style="display: none;">d</span>Easy
|-
![[File:Generic_librarian.png|50px|link=Librarian]]<br>[[Librarian]]
|Attempt to hold poetry readings. Host D&D games. Stalk people with your camera. Get lynched for reading pornography over the radio. Beat the snot out of anyone who doesn't return their library books. Allow the cult to set up an AI module in your private study.
!<span style="display: none;">d</span>Easy
|}
 
== Nonhuman jobs ==
 
{| border="1" cellspacing="0" cellpadding="2" width="80%" style="background-color:#D8BFD8;" class="wikitable sortable"
! scope="col" style="background-color:#9ACD32;" width=200|Job
! scope="col" class="unsortable" style="background-color:#9ACD32;" |Role
! scope="col" style="background-color:#9ACD32;" width=100|Difficulty
|-
![[File:AI.gif|50px|link=AI]]<br>[[AI]]
| Complain that you can't play this for a month. Follow your laws. Be the crew's bitch. Open doors. Malfunction. Get wiped for not letting the [[captain]] robust the [[clown]].
!<span style="display: none;">a</span>Very Hard
|-
![[File:Generic_borg.png|50px|link=Cyborg]]<br>[[Cyborg]]
|Follow your laws and hope that you aren't blown up due to [[Research Director|certain individuals]]. Forget to recharge. Forget completely that you're still somewhat human and do mindless repetitive tasks without emotion.
!<span style="display: none;">b</span>Hard
|-
![[File:Pai.png|50px|link=Personal AI]]<br>[[Personal AI]]
|Be the friend someone has always wanted (if they bother downloading you). Whine in OOC because they didn't. '''Don't fill any of the fields except the name field.'''
!<span style="display: none;">d</span>Easy
|-
![[File:Shade.png|50px|link=Construct]]<br>[[Construct]]
|Obey your master, who is either worshiping [[Narsie]] or [[Wizard|something worse]].
!<span style="display: none;">c</span>Medium
|-
![[File:Ghost2.png|50px|link=Ghost]]<br>[[Ghost]]
|Talk to the other [[Clown|dead]] [[Assistant|people]]. Complain about the living. Admin help. Omnighost. Watch ERP. Beg the admin to deploy a space ninja.
!<span style="display: none;">f</span>Ghastly!
|}
 
== Enemy jobs ==
 
{| border="1" cellspacing="0" cellpadding="2" width="80%" style="background-color:silver;" class="wikitable sortable"
! scope="col" style="background-color:brown;" width=200|Job
! scope="col" class="unsortable" style="background-color:brown;" |Role
! scope="col" style="background-color:brown;" width=100|Difficulty
|-
![[File:Generic_nukesyndie.png|50px|link=Syndicate guide]]<br>[[Syndicate guide|Nuclear Agent]]
|Someone set us up the bomb! (AKA You) Get dat fukken disk. Plant a power sink on the solars. Waste all your telecrystals on balloons. Arm the nuke while your fellows are still on the station. Kidnap Ian.
!<span style="display: none;">a</span>Very Hard
|-
![[File:Changeling.gif|50px|link=Changeling]]<br>[[Changeling]]
|Think John Carpenter's 'The Thing', without 'The Thing' part- Relieve humans of their DNA and brain cells, which they don't use much anyway.
!<span style="display: none;">b</span>Hard
|-
![[File:Alien.png|50px|link=Alien]]<br>[[Xenos|Xenomorph]]
|Ensure the crew gets a face full of alien ''wing-wang''. Break procs. Squander your chance to be a big, purple killing machine and your race's survival in favor of acting out the librarian's favorite porno.
!<span style="display: none;">b</span>Hard
|-
![[File:Generic_wizard.png|50px|link=Wizard]]<br>[[Wizard]]
|'''FORTI GY AMA!!''' then '''EI NATH!!'''
!<span style="display: none;">0</span>Very Hard
|}
 
==Special Jobs==
 
{| border="1" cellspacing="0" cellpadding="2" width="80%" style="background-color:silver;" class="wikitable sortable"
! scope="col" style="background-color:#DAA520;" width=200|Job
! scope="col" class="unsortable" style="background-color:#DAA520" |Role
! scope="col" style="background-color:#DAA520;" width=100|Difficulty
|-
![[File:deathsquadofficer.png|50px|link=Death squad]]<br>[[Death squad|Death Squad Officer]]
|'''USE YOUR ZAPPY GUN ON EVERYTHING'''!
!<span style="display: none;">b</span>Hard
|-
![[File:Generic_ninja.png|50px|link=Space Ninja]]<br>[[Space Ninja]]
|Follow your orders, which may or may not involve you killing everything that moves.  Suck on power like a Comdom's willy.
!<span style="display: none;">b</span>Hard
|}
 
 
<nowiki>[[Category:Jobs]]</nowiki>
Anonymous user
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