Janitor

RNG, why did you give me this job.

So lord RNGesus hates you and decided that you were going to be today's shift janitor huh? You came here in the hopes of ever becoming a real janitor? Or did you sign up for this job for acces to sweet-ass pussy wagons and space cleaner? Well, sorry to break it to you (if you are the crazy bastard that willingly picked this job) but we removed those years ago. You do have a janicart, though. The janicart is fit to transport anything you may ever need, to clean the station. Which is exactly what you will do. You will mow through hordes of assistants, fix the blizzards of trash and run from security! And this is the place that'll tell you exactly how.

No slacking off

while botany is a high maintenance job, it becomes more laid back than assistant when looking through the janitor's eyes. If you are not actively hunting trash, inquiring about dirt or removing broken light bulbs every second you are doing it wrong. There will be crazy anti Pun-Pun chaplains drawing pagan rituals across the entire station every shift, assistants smashing eachother with toolboxes, clowns throwing trash everywhere, botany overflooding you with watermelons or walking mushrooms, medics who never heard of roller beds and recovery agents who never heard of bodybags!

If you slack off for more than five minutes, rest assured there will be fresh blood trails leading to medbay. The core strength of the janitor is remaining active and more omnipresent than the AI. You must place signs down in advance while making sure the clown doesn't steal them and point to the signs every time someone slips as to prevent getting sacked. Be wary of any officers in a bad mood, because you will get your ass handed to you by their mighty harm batons of vengeance.

In short, there is no other job on the station where simply doing your job warrants you that many death threats. You may pray to the gods that you didn't slip an important figure, nor a robust one. Simply carrying your cleaner grenades with you will cause you to have security confiscate and detonate them just to see if they really ARE cleaner grenades (it's like border police, but worse). Your bear traps will be seen as deadly weapons, and your spray cleaner bottle may just contain polymorphic acid. Your beloved janicart isn't safe, either; the chances of it ending up in space due to an enraged assistant are quite high. If you think you got what it takes (the time to read all of these usefull, in-the-field tips and tricks) read on!

Wow, this job is actually pretty cool

On the off chance that you didn't throw yourself into space or go to the bar to become a drunken wreck, behold the true beauty of the janitor job.

Let me just give you a real quick status update, in case you didn't know: Slipping people is the third most robust way of stunning people. It follows directly behind the former world champ called tazers (which due to range are still viewed as the best by most people). It shares it's place with the flash, which is easier to protect yourself from. For this reason, people are inclined for paranoia when the janitor is nearby. Can you already see the coolness factor of the janitor?

Believe it or not, but the stuff that the janitor primarily uses for cleaning up serves as perfect double agent to traditional incapicitation devices. The beartrap, which is nearly impossible to remove without third party help slows people to a halt, along with the cleaner grenades that cause a slippery effect instantanously in a giant area. Here is the full list of your equipment (and how cool it is!)

The galoshes

These right here are one of a kind. They are exactly the same as no-slip syndie shoes, but free! Walk over a banana peel? No problem! Walk over wet floors? No problem! Walk over bluespace tomato's? No problem! Walk over space lube? No problem! Walk over foam? No problem!

These right here are for showing you have swag. Wear them on your feet at all times, never abandon them and revengefully prosecute anyone who tries laying a finger on them. Bitches be loving it.

The space cleaner grenades

You get only three of these babies, and you will probably never get any more. The SCG's clean anything around them within a pixel-circle of four up, down, left and right. One of these is often enough to clean up all the crazy shit the (meanwhile straightjacketed) chaplain has been scribbling down on the chapel floor. To deploy them, click the grenade while in your active hand and click where you want to throw it. They have a five second timer, so they're naturally perfect for cooking up. Having them explode in your hand also has no negative effects, so you can just walk up to whoever you want to slip with a primed grenade. Anyone that runs over the foamed surface will slip for a long time, so it's perfect for getting away with.

If you want to have more of these, try finding a competent chemist and having him make some more for you.

The Mop

The Mop truely is a glorious piece of equipment. Wether you just want to clean, laugh your rear off or robust some xenos it will do the job. Dipping the mop into your janicart will cause it to have five tiles of cleaning before it has to be wetted again. The best part? As long as you are cleaning with water, people can and will slip. If you want to add insult to the injury, place down a wet floor sign just arouns the corner/ camouflage it. Whenever someone slips, you just point to the sign and you will go another day without being sacked.

The wet-floor signs

These are made to not get you sacked! You get four of them at shiftstart, which is enough to cover four whole screen lengths. This'd encourage shitcurity to not harmbaton you into oblivion for doing your job. Store them in the janicart. To deploy them, click the janicart and then select them. Hide them under a pile of trash, put them around corners out of sight untill people slip or just donk them in plain vision if you're boring like that.

The mouse and beartraps

at each shift start, you get your boxes of mousetraps and set of beartraps. These really aren't usefull for anything legitimate, but function great in making landmines. Currently not known if trapping a space bear in these somehow will actually have effect. They're also a handy alarm system for changelings, because they make an obvious SNAP'ing sound when stepped on. The poor mouses really don't do anything, but if you are a jerk like that you can drag them onto primed mousetraps into their bloody deaths. Always have these with you, because it's another ace in the hole to slow down security</strike them bitches be into some kinky shit.

The bio-hazard suit

this does exactly what it promises. Protect you from biohazards (sort of). If you want full protection, you will need a protective jumpsuit along with gloves and a sterile mask.

The Jani-back watermister

this thing is just glorious. A double capacity bottle of space cleaner. It slows you down slightly when using it, but you can clean three blocks with a single spray. If you are all evil like that, fill it with spacelube. Space cleaner is the only thing that cleans with this -unlike the mop. If used at full efficiency, this gets 300 (500:5x3) tiles of cleanage. Due to the fact that you can't always have three consecutive tiles to clean and that you will always use five units, it will most likely be lower. Also used to hose down bitches when they misbehave