Difference between revisions of "Shitbay"

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(Adds a supplementary video.)
 
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'''Being a terrible [[doctor]] isn't about breaking the [[rules]], mostly because it's actually pretty hard to break them as long as you aren't the one committing [[Medical_items#Circular_Saw|murder]]. As a [[doctor]], you are the final line of defense from someone's round being over. Use this [[Byond_the_impossible|power]] wisely.'''
 
'''Being a terrible [[doctor]] isn't about breaking the [[rules]], mostly because it's actually pretty hard to break them as long as you aren't the one committing [[Medical_items#Circular_Saw|murder]]. As a [[doctor]], you are the final line of defense from someone's round being over. Use this [[Byond_the_impossible|power]] wisely.'''
  
== The Rules of Shitbay ==
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==The Rules of Shitbay==
  
 
# [[Guide_to_races#Preternis|Preternis]] are impossible to heal with typical medicines, just throw them in cryo and let it sort them out.
 
# [[Guide_to_races#Preternis|Preternis]] are impossible to heal with typical medicines, just throw them in cryo and let it sort them out.
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## Once you achieve hulk, inject only yourself and your [[Terminology#Graytide|comrade assistants]] to ensure the [[revolution]] remains alive.
 
## Once you achieve hulk, inject only yourself and your [[Terminology#Graytide|comrade assistants]] to ensure the [[revolution]] remains alive.
 
# Remember to [[Chapel|cremate]] [[CMO|your]] hypospray when the round starts, it starts with [[Guide_to_Chemistry#Omnizine|incredibly weak medicine]] and only serves to have [[Traitor|traitors]] kill you for it!
 
# Remember to [[Chapel|cremate]] [[CMO|your]] hypospray when the round starts, it starts with [[Guide_to_Chemistry#Omnizine|incredibly weak medicine]] and only serves to have [[Traitor|traitors]] kill you for it!
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==Supplementary Video==
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[https://www.dailymotion.com/video/x2nedgv Monty Python - Gumby Brain Specialist]
  
 
[[Category:Joke_pages]]
 
[[Category:Joke_pages]]

Latest revision as of 00:13, 31 July 2020

NOTICE: This page is purely for comedic purposes and you should NOT be following any of the below in a live game.


MedicalDoctor.png
 
Dr. Urist McShit says:
"Defibber? I barely even know her!"

Doctors committing malpractice at every corner and generally harming more than helping? You probably have a case of Shitbay. Expect dead chat to be seething with rage whenever this happens, except you can't see it, because you're alive, and they're dead, which makes them lesser than you.

Medical is considered the easiest department on the station, but also the most boring, which means anyone that knows how to heal with more than 2 brain cells isn't present.

Being a terrible doctor isn't about breaking the rules, mostly because it's actually pretty hard to break them as long as you aren't the one committing murder. As a doctor, you are the final line of defense from someone's round being over. Use this power wisely.

The Rules of Shitbay

  1. Preternis are impossible to heal with typical medicines, just throw them in cryo and let it sort them out.
  2. If there's a disease spreading, make sure to hoard the single bio suit in medical storage and isolate yourself from the rest of the crew until the coast is clear.
    1. If you're viro, robust anyone that tries to come into your domain, for they are trying to infect and kill you first.
    2. Unless you procured the disease yourself, then load a fire extinguisher with your infected blood and spread it to all of your happy customers.
  3. If they're bleeding, it means they're still alive. Make sure to drag patients all the way to medbay so you know if they've got a chance or not.
  4. Limb reattachment takes too long. Just escort your patient to hell and back with the cloner if they're missing any.
  5. If you see a husked body in medbay, toss it in the morgue, it's a lost cause.
    1. In fact, if you see any bodies lying around in medbay, throw them in the morgue. A clean medbay is a healthy one.
  6. The sleeper's buttons can be complicated sometimes. If you aren't in your buttonspam, just send them into cryo.
  7. Remind the crew to turn off their suit sensors. If your sensors are up, it means traitors can hunt them down, and that means more bodies for you to have to deal with.
  8. Clowns don't deserve healing from your delicately trained hands. If you see one turn up in medbay, just toss them in disposals or the morgue.
  9. Rush dwarfism and steal the chef's supplies because he wasn't going to use them anyways.
    1. If he retaliates, achieve hulk and destroy every machine in his workplace for daring defy you and your infinite robust wisdom.
  10. Be sure to loot every crit or cloning patient. You never know what you might find!
    1. Bonus loot if the patient is a head of staff.
    2. Watch out for security, they want the loot all to themselves!
  11. If you don't like someone, just ignore their body. They're better off dead anyways.
  12. If someone refuses your medicine, robust them until they're in a state where they can't.
  13. Any table works as good as the surgical table; did you know you can even perform surgery on the floor?
  14. If they come out of the cloner as "Unknown" it means they're a traitor trying to hide their identity. Robust them and be hailed as a hero of the station.
    1. Try brain surgery or lobotomizing someone on the floor for the ultimate medical experience.
  15. Suicides are common on SS13, but not allowed by medical law. Do everything you can to resurrect these cases.
  16. If you feel yourself getting overwhelmed, block off the medbay doors.
  17. Place extra airlocks all over medbay restricted to only your access so that the greytiders have a harder time getting around.
  18. The defibrillators are a work hazard and are useless anyways. You have a cloner for a reason.
    1. Anyone trying to defib is a powergamer who wants to validhunt whoever did this, put an end to this behavior with extreme prejudice.
  19. Chemistry will often make goodies in the fridges. Be sure to feed as much as you can of these to people, even if they aren't hurt.
  20. Gloves are useless, and security will likely arrest you for trying to hide your fingerprints if you're wearing them.
  21. Be sure to arm yourself with anything you can find, as people will be sure to try and steal your mutations.
    1. Once you achieve hulk, inject only yourself and your comrade assistants to ensure the revolution remains alive.
  22. Remember to cremate your hypospray when the round starts, it starts with incredibly weak medicine and only serves to have traitors kill you for it!

Supplementary Video

Monty Python - Gumby Brain Specialist