Clerk

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CIVILIAN STAFF
Clerk.png Clerk.png
Clerk
Access: Gift Shop
Additional Access: N/A
Difficulty: Very Easy
Supervisors: Head of Personnel
Duties: Keep your gift shop stocked, sell goods to Tourists and the unwary, sell funny costumes to the Clown
Guides: N/A
Quote: Genuine Roman Sandals! Yours for the taking, only 50 Credits! Did I say 50? I meant 15!

Bare minimum requirements: Don't forget you have a shop, it exists, and you are supposed to be managing it.

Overview

As a Clerk, your main responsibility is to staff the station's Gift Shop, and to attempt to sell overpriced miscellaneous objects to those that stop at your snake-oil stall.

Your trinkets come mainly from the vending machines, and you are advised to familiarize yourself with your stock, from the various musical instruments to fake weaponry to gaudy outfits and clothing. Your stock will tends to be quite popular with less professional individuals, such as the Clown. However, you may also attract lawmen looking to make a purchase, as you have some shooting targets in the back room, one shaped like a human, one like a Xenomorph, and one like a Syndicate Agent, which they can use in their firing range.

Most of your shift will be spent idly staring into space, or playing with your pet goat, Spiffles. However, there are ways to enhance this experience. Putting in a few requests with Engineering could get you tools and materials to redecorate your shop and make it more appealing to passerby's. A careful trade deal with various other Departments can net you new stock to proudly place on display and hock off to unsuspecting buyers. Additionally, you can collaborate with your supervisor, the Head of Personnel, to push larger, more complicated trades and partnerships with other parts of the station.

Bored at Your Post

What to do, what to do? All this time and nobody at your shop. Well, come up with some fun things! A good tip for all Clerks: Get a PROVE PDA Cartridge. It is the one that all the lawyers start with, and the HoP can also give you one from his PTech vending machine. This will give you the very strong power: the power of Message All on your PDA. Now, with your newfound power, you can start coming up with things. A Clerk can either be the most boring job in the station or the most fun, it just matters who plays it. The Clerk is generally a blank slate for gimmicks, fun, and roleplay. Come up with something fun to do to bring people to your shop!

  • Steal Kindly ask for goods from other departments, such as slime extracts and exotic plants to name a few.
  • If you are an asshole, steal all the tools from tool storage. The grey tide will grow angry, yet they will be powerless without tools. Engineering and Security will be thankful for your efforts against the minimum wage menace. NOTE: You probably should not do this unless you have a death wish because you are pretty much making yourself a target for a beating.
  • Set up an art store to sell all your beautiful drawings of nude xenomorphs. The Curator would be proud.
  • Sell 'Lootboxes' full of 1 credit holochips and sell them for 100 each. It will give shoppers a sense of pride and accomplishment, trust me!
  • Kidnap department pets and force the heads to pay a ransom to have their precious cat/dog/parrot/facehugger back. NOTE: This may result in a much worse beating as Heads of Staff have telescopic batons. Stealing Ian will probably get you actually killed.
  • Revs? Sell sunglasses. Slings? Sell flashlights. Blob? Sell IED's. Use the current climate of the round to your advantage, and make hella bank off of people's paranoia and fear of not being safe at all times. This is NOT an excuse to Powergame, only sell things when people start panicking on the radio. You should usually only sell gear to the crew on team antagonist rounds as the whole crew is usually needed to fight the threat. For a traitor round, let sec deal with it.
  • You can hold a private investigation / private security firm: Ask the HoP for maint access, go to maint, and directly to the left of atmos there is a room. It has a 50% chance of being a roleplaying room with nothing notable, OR it can be an abandoned detective office. In the abandoned detective office, there is a detective hat, and a forensic scanner which is incredibly useful for your private investigation firm. PLEASE AHELP BEFORE THIS NEXT STEP. IF THE ADMIN SAYS NO, THEN DO NOT DO IT. You can make some makeshift security gear such as a stunprod and cuffs for detaining suspects in your private security firm as well, but only if both you and the admins are feeling spicy that day.
  • You can make Science hate you by asking for access to maint and the service hall, going to the techfab in the service hall, ejecting all the precious metals, and selling it for a high price. This is almost guaranteed to get you fed to a slime / debrained and put in an MMI. Whoops, shouldn't have stolen shit!

Dark Deals

As a Traitor Clerk, your options are rather limited. You are all but an Assistant, with a marginal amount of access. However, many people will look completely past the Clerk, so this position affords you some valuable anonymity. Additionally, setting up the right trade deals with different Departments can also net you various supplies and tools without arousing too much suspicion. The only limit is your creativity.


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